Although, recently I
was challenged by my response to a fellow driver. I was driving home from a home-goods
store. It was early in the morning. I was not in a hurry. It was my day off. It had already been a good morning. I came to a stoplight where I needed to turn
right. There was a car in front of me
blocking my turn until the light turned green – which I was fine with me. I actually saw it as an opportunity to train
myself in patience and safer driving. It
was a win-win-win! A car took its place
behind me - awaiting the same right turn I was going to make. When the light changed and I proceeded, the
car behind me darted past me quickly and the driver purposely and profanely
pointed her middle finger at me. WHAT?!?
From what I could figure out, she thought I should have wedged my car through
the prohibitive ½ lane and made the turn so she could also make the turn 60
seconds sooner. She actually turned into
a driveway 30 seconds after she hyper-extended her middle finger into my
tranquil morning. REALLY?!!?
The peace of my day quickly left me and was replaced by an
incensed rage against the finger-flipper.
I am ashamed to say what I wanted to do in retaliation. I was also shocked at how quickly my negative
emotion was triggered. I was no longer emotionally intelligent. After I calmed down, I
probed my reaction and pondered a small list of 4 things to consider when I realize
my emotions have been triggered. Maybe
this emotionally intelligent list can help you:
- I don’t live in a bubble: My sense of emotional serenity was a wonderful and individual experience. It was not realistic or relationally feasible to expect that the world around me would share that same sense of serenity in that particular moment.
- Retaliation is not emotionally intelligent. After the shock of the insult, my first response was retaliation which took me to the decreased emotional intelligence of the finger-flipper. I retreated to the lower road rather than bringing the driver to the higher road.
- I was too easily offended: My calmness at the stoplight was not typical. I was intentionally practicing patience and safe driving. It was a good and noble practice. The finger-flipper’s response did not affirm my choice and practice in the moment. I was mortified at her lack of participation in my training regimen. Her actions greatly and unnecessarily offended me, and also provided more training than I planned.
- My response-ability is my responsibility: This is one of my main life mantras. Other people, including finger-flippers, don’t get to affect or change my emotions unless I let them.
I was able to reset my morning and develop more with emotional
intelligence. Managing our emotions, externally
and internally is diligent and worthy work.
Too many small situations have turned into bigger ones, with deep and
long-lasting ripples. Take the higher,
emotionally intelligent road. Learn how by emailing me at drcarlyle@drcarlyle.com or by visiting my website at personalproclivity.com
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