Emotoinal Road Rage - Emotional Intelligence and Traffic Triggers

The burden of the work commute has lessened for me in recent years.  I work 1 mile from where I live and most of my life coaching appointments are close by too.  The stress of traffic jams and freeway accidents does not impact my day-to-day life much these days.  

Although, recently  I was challenged by my response to a fellow driver.  I was driving home from a home-goods store.  It was early in the morning.  I was not in a hurry.  It was my day off.  It had already been a good morning.  I came to a stoplight where I needed to turn right.  There was a car in front of me blocking my turn until the light turned green – which I was fine with me.  I actually saw it as an opportunity to train myself in patience and safer driving.  It was a win-win-win!  A car took its place behind me - awaiting the same right turn I was going to make.  When the light changed and I proceeded, the car behind me darted past me quickly and the driver purposely and profanely pointed her middle finger at me.  WHAT?!? From what I could figure out, she thought I should have wedged my car through the prohibitive ½ lane and made the turn so she could also make the turn 60 seconds sooner.  She actually turned into a driveway 30 seconds after she hyper-extended her middle finger into my tranquil morning.  REALLY?!!?

 The peace of my day quickly left me and was replaced by an incensed rage against the finger-flipper.  I am ashamed to say what I wanted to do in retaliation.  I was also shocked at how quickly my negative emotion was triggered.  I was no longer emotionally intelligent.  After I calmed down, I probed my reaction and pondered a small list of 4 things to consider when I realize my emotions have been triggered.  Maybe this emotionally intelligent list can help you:

1.    I don’t live in a bubble:  My sense of emotional serenity was a wonderful and individual experience.  It was not realistic or relationally feasible to expect that the world around me would share that same sense of serenity in that particular moment.
2. Retaliation is not emotionally intelligent.  After the shock of the insult, my first response was retaliation which took me to the decreased emotional intelligence of the finger-flipper.  I retreated to the lower road rather than bringing the driver to the higher road. 
3. I was too easily offended:   My calmness at the stoplight was not typical.  I was intentionally practicing patience and safe driving.  It was a good and noble practice.  The finger-flipper’s response did not affirm my choice and practice in the moment.  I  was mortified at her lack of participation in my training regimen.  Her actions greatly and unnecessarily offended me, and also provided more training than I planned. 
4. My response-ability is my responsibility:  This is one of my main life mantras.  Other people, including finger-flippers, don’t get to affect or change my emotions unless I let them.

I was able to reset my morning and develop more with emotional intelligence.  Managing our emotions, externally and internally is diligent and worthy work.  Too many small situations have turned into bigger ones, with deep and long-lasting ripples.  Take the higher, emotionally intelligent road.  Learn how by emailing me at drcarlyle@drcarlyle.com or by visiting my website at  personalproclivity.com