Emotional Roguing is when a person - maybe only for a few minutes - loses any social sensibility, becomes relationally irresponsible, openly displays emotional intemperance, deletes any semblance of diplomacy, and leaves a mini-tsunami in their wake.
If the truth be told, all of us have been emotional rogues. I call it emotional incontinence - when we loose control of our emotions and have a mess to clean up afterwords. To avoid being an Emotional Rogue, we can increase our Emotional Intelligence.
But how do we handle one - "those" people who act out emotionally and are Emotionally Roguing us? The answer is the same: Emotional Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is as much about managing the inner life as it is managing the social life. But there are a couple of quick tips to remember when you are getting Emotionally Rogued.
- Try to maintain a level 5 emotion. If you exceed it, you may be close to becoming an Emotional Roguer yourself. If you sense your rising emotion, you can perhaps acknowledge it outwardly by stating that you are feeling a little high on the emotional scale in that the moment.
- Restate what they said - repeatedly - in an attempt for you to gain clarity and to catch your emotional breath.
- Restate what you said - repeatedly - so they can gain clarity and catch their emotional breath.
- Speak to emotion with emotion - their emotion - not yours. This can be difficult because it seems counter-intuitive - it feels like it will fuel emotion. The opposite is almost always true. It works almost every time. Say something like,"That must feel frustrating," or "I could see why you might feel that way." Don't condemn the feeling, just let them know you notice it.
For more help on developing your Emotional Intelligence contact drcarlyle@drcarlyle.com
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